Tired Girl

You know what I relized....I am tired. I stayed up till almost mid-night getting the church newsletter ready to print and then got up at 3 am to feed Anna....got back to bed at 4 am and then up at 8 am for church. We ended up staying at church till youth group time, so I did not get home from youth group till 7:30 pm and I tired. So you know what I have done, I have sat on my butt and chatted on line and on message boards.

It is funny I love chatting and talking to people. I am soo happy I have free phone now and can call Canada and talk to Kim. It is funny because I have never met Kim in my whole life and yet it seems like she is such a good friend.

Why is it people on-line can be such great friends...and why is it that I can make friends on-line but not in real life? Is there something wrong with me? So I stink or something. But if you get down it I have always been with out many friends. Growing up I would always have that one friend....in Elem and Middle School it was Lisa, she was great. Lisa and I still talk, however we annoy the crap out of each other, because we don't agree with life and God and such. She is one of those persons who thinks everyone should take care of her and she should not have to do anything. She also hates the fact that I am a stay at home mom.

Then in High School I kinda had friends, but none that I would now say at close friends. I hung out with people and that was about it. That was very evident at my High School Class Renioun...I did not talk to anyone, except Christy and that was because no one was talking to her. Most of the people I hung out with did not come to the renioun...no band geeks like me.

Then there was college....I had like 4 close friends. Rachel, who moved after school and never stayed in touch. Nichole who also moved and well I was not good enough and was not slutty enough for her. Then there was and is Abra. She is the only person I talk to from college. After she graduated from Park (the semester after me), we went to K-State. She came back for our wedding and back to see Catherine for her baptism. Catherine, my mom, and I went to K-State to see her get her Masters Degree. Then she moved to Florida. She has come back once, this summer, and we had such a blast. I think we both long for the days we hung out and did stuff together. But at least for now, we are not going to be able to do that but a few times a year. She is talking about coming out in the Spring of 2005 and I hope she does. One of these days I will go down to Florida and see her.

I guess I long for those days when friends would get together and hang out and have fun. I long for those days when I have friends. I long for a feeling of belonging to a group of people my own age. Oh well those longings will probably continue forever and will be like lots of dreams....something you dream but yet never seem to grasp.

It is funny how sometimes one can dream, hope, and pray and never see it. I guess it all goes back to the idea that God will give you an answer, sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes wait.

I guess right now my answer is no or wait....and those are the hardest answers to except.