Light Bulb Came ON

(ugg I typed this once and it went away - Try this again).

Today was one of those light bulb moment days.

I was sitting on my bed nursing Anna and put on the Dr. Phil Show. I try to watch it when I can, normally I am lucky to watch it once a week at most. Well today Dr. Phil had Dr. Bill Cosby on (I did not know he had a doctorate till today) They were taking to families and kids....they stated talking to this 7th grade boy. He was not doing much with life, not excelling in school, and had some not so good friends. Dr. Bill Cosby talked to him about his choices. He said to this young person, you know you need to have self-esteem, you need to believe in yourself. You only have the friends you havebecausee you are willing to settle. You make the friends you feel you are worthy of having. You have to believe you are worthy of having good friends. They need to have to be worthy of you....not you worthy of them. You only get the friends you are willing to have.

Then it hit me.....maybe that is my problem. Maybe I am not worthy of real friends, or at least I am not willing to let myself be worthy of friends. People who know the real me, and very few people do (I don't let people know the real me...it would scare them if they did) know that I can't stand myself. So maybe that is part of it...maybe since I can't stand myself, I don't have friends because who would want a person like me. So I guess if I want to have real friends I have to be worthy of being a friend.

It is funny part of my light bulb also came from reading Andy's blog today. He waswritingg about jumping into the middle of the river and not just wadding. I guess I am a wadding type of girl. I will jump in when it deals with my family but not much else. I guess I am scared people would not care what I think or have to say so why say it.

Oh well those are the light bulb moments of today, now I think I will turn the light bulb back off, it is getting to bright in here.