Well the shit hit the fan

Well today the other shoe finally fell. My Step dad came by to drop off two of our laps he was redoing and also my birthday present (a rocking chair).

He first went off on how messy the house was. Then we went off on me. Basically told me what he wanted to say at church but did not say. Basically the thinks my hubby should keep his D____ in his pants, and I should have kept my legs closed. That we are stupid for having another baby. Then he said he was not leaving till the kitchen and living room were picked up. So we all cleaned it, him included. Then he went off on me again, telling me how I have broken one of the 10 commandments by not honoring my mother in father. I have done so because I look like crap, and don't take time to do my hair and such. He said I look terrible at church on Sunday, and that basically I am dumbing myself down and not acting like I use to. That I need to get back to the way I use to be, making my self look good again. Then he went on to tell me that I have broken my mom's heart by getting preggy that she herself said Tony and I are being stupid.

Needless to say when he left I lost it....I started balling....I can't stand this. By the time Tony got home I calmed down. That was till Tony comment on how nice everything looked and I told him, well that is because Bob (step dad) was here and cleaned it with me. Then the tears started again.

So my hubby is soo mad...he already left a message on my parents answering machine saying he wants to talk that he is upset. He says he has had it, he is tired of them treating me like this, that they need to learn to either be happy and supportive of us...or shut up.
The worse part is while we was talking all I could think of was how much I have messed up my life, my hubbies life and how wonderful they all would be if I was not around. I hate when I start thinking like that. (gosh typing this I am crying again)